Christopher Ef'in Walken

http://kardsunlimited.blogspot.com/2012/03/christopher-efin-walken.html

“Can I confess something? I tell you this as an artist, I think you'll understand. Sometimes when I'm driving... on the road at night... I see two headlights coming toward me. Fast. I have this sudden impulse to turn the wheel quickly, head-on into the oncoming car. I can anticipate the explosion. The sound of shattering glass. The... flames rising out of the flowing gasoline.” - Duane Hall, Annie Hall

This will, forever, be my idea of a young Christopher Walken. Woody Allen makes a joke of it, of course, because that’s how he does, but the way Walken plays it makes it creepy to the point that even Mr. Woody can’t fully rebound wit his witticism. Even though this was not the first movie I’d ever seen him in -- for a minute I didn’t even recognize him, until his spectacular lilting speech had a chance to unfold -- I still think of this as his first example of his future self.

Christopher Walken occupies a large part of my sense of popular culture. The man is everywhere. It’s apparently a thing, I learned recently, that he only turns down a role in a movie when the scheduling is truly inconvenient. He views everything as a learning process, a true egalitarian. That way he shows up in “Balls of Fury” with the same energy as he does in “Pulp Fiction,” He is the epitome of craft through practice, like a doctor, but it still doesn’t interfere with his forays into “art.”


And did I mention he’s a dancer? Weapon of Choice, by Fatboy Slim, remains one of my favorite music videos of all time, along with “Drop” by the Pharcyde, both of which were directed by Spike Jonze. As you will see if you choose to click the play button, Walken appears as a weary business traveller and then proceeds to dance, again lilting in reflection of his speech. I know Jonze should be credited with much of the success of this video, but Walken works it, bringing all of his seriousness into this essentially goofy endeavor. The man is fly.


Today is Chris Walken’s birthday. I know exactly how to celebrate: More Cowbell.



Adopt A Rescued Guniea Pig Day!

http://kardsunlimited.blogspot.com/2012/03/adopt-rescued-guniea-pig-day.html

Walter reincarnated!
Oh so you want to know more about me? Curious about this deliciously-well figured-female-crusader? Wanna find out what makes this clock tick tock? WELL I AIN'T NO SHARIN' NANCY, so bug off!
But if you must...here's a little tid-bit, when I first meet someone who I'm eventually going to really care about slash love slash have romantic inklings for, I immediately dislike them.
Maybe its because I like them so much upon meeting them, I'm so overcome with new and intense emotions that I shut down and my brain says I DON'T LIKE THIS and in order to rationalize these feelings my first reaction is to say THIS PERSON SEEMS A LITTLE ASSHOLE-ISH.

The point of this tidbit is simple, I immediately hate things I later come to love. My first love, my only love, was a Guinea Pig named Princess Walter, named for the great Walter Cronkite. She passed from my life many moons ago, but I will never forget the years we spent together in harmony; napping, snuggling, eating carrots off my tum-tum, watching cartoons, giggling/squeaking GOSH. If you can believe it, when we first purchased my sweet sweet Walter from the pet supply store, I hated her.
Men age like FINE WINE.
I would stare at her small baby Guniea Pig body with disgust. What are you? A giant rat? Don't look at me with those floppy eyes, Please don't nibble my t-shirt you biatch! STOP SNUGGLIN' ME YOU ASS HAT. No I do not want to feed you a carrot.

We are the same
The same blitzkreig of emotions hit me when my little brother was born, I hated that chubby roll of mini Jackson for a whole year. He stole the show, no longer was little-mullet-and-spandex-clad Mary the attention-go-getting baby of the family. No more did I have my parents undivided attention, no no, the little chub-nub I now adoringly call 'brother' was the main show and I was just the opener.

So cute I could burf.
ANYWAY. Back to Guinea Pigs, so bascially what I'm trying to illustrate here is that my love for Guniea Pigs wasn't immediate and yours doesn't have to be either. Lets go through some scenarios where Guinea Pigs may come in handy! YES SOMETIMES THE FUR COVERED FAT COMES IN HANDY, don't be a diakk.

SCENARIO #1

Its raining. Wait, I mean its pouring. Wait, I really mean its mon-freaking-sooning and all your Noah-less-non-ark-building-ass has to save you from the ever-rising-waters is a farm full of chubby chuberstien Guinea Piggies.
FLASHBACK You used to be a city dweller, living for the days when you could weave through the city streets on your bicycle! AND THEN you had an epiphany about the dirty air, barf covered Oakland streets, drunken biddies everywhere ENOUGH IS ENOUGH WITH THE DAMN UGG BOOTS YOU HO HO'S!
So you moved from the city to the non-city to build a farm based entirely on Guinea Pigs, they reproduce by the dozen keeping you in constant Guinea milk supply. You made a living off of the oh-so-demanding Guinea Pig entertainment market and the high demand for rentable Guinea Pigs for cuddlin'. BAM you're rich and full of guinea pig milk. 


Every other scenario looks very similar to this. Being rich and full of dem goodies with a guinea pig to cuddle with. You will never be hungry, poor or lonely EVER AGAIN! 

So go out and adopt a rescued guinea pig. Or rescue one yourself and THEN adopt it because you're a go getter. And never eat them. Never, ever, ever. Do it for Princess Walter! 

National Play The Recorder Month

http://kardsunlimited.blogspot.com/2012/03/national-play-recorder-month.html

There's no mistaking the heart wrenching screech that rings in your ear drum. One misplaced finger and a supposed-to-be beautiful sound goes terribly wrong, leaving everyone within a hundred feet as a victim of the only sound produced by a woodwind instrument that can kill a man. The Recorder's signature sound!



The recorder is an important part of children's elementary school careers, and nothing screams "I Support Music Education and National Recorder Month" more than elementary school teachers and faculty across the country enduring...er, um, I mean enjoying...the weeks of lessons that take place as students are taught to play one of the most child friendly instruments around.   Blood, sweat and tears are poured out as children get ready for their recorder concerts. Parents leave work early, invite friends and family, and even post videos on Youtube of their child star recorder players doing what they do best.

Damn, this kid's got style.


One of the most famous recorder players, Frans Bruggen
Some many underestimate the recorder's potential. Although it is a simple instrument - pre-tuned, "no strings attached", easy to assemble, easy to clean - even the seemingly simple recorder can be mastered at unrankable and unimaginable skill levels. Frans Brugger, one of the world's most famous recorder players, studied the recorder at a college level! How'd you like to ask yo mama and yo papa to help ya out with that payment for school?! Frans' parents prrrrrobably thought he was a big goofball, wasting his time on an instrument as silly and as misunderstood as the recorder, but he actually succeeded in a huge way and eventually co-founded the Orchestra of the 18th Century! Mr. and Mrs. Bruggen, you just got told!


Another example that it is possible to master the recorder!


What's that?! You'd like to jump in on the action and also become a master of this artform?! You want to show your parents that you can be rich and famous by learning the recorder?! Well in that case, here's a website where you can learn to play the recorder in only thirteen steps! There's a career for you! And if you're an extreme supporter of this lovely instrument, there's even an American Recorder Society that you can join! And to become a gold member, you only need to pay $150 a year, or to become a platinum member you could pay $1,000! A membership with the American Record Society means you receive five American Recorder Society magazine issues throughout the year, access to their music library, a recorder study program, invitations and discounts to recorder all the recorder concerts that we all know you'd love to attend on a regular basis, and access to the online directory in which you can locate and meet other recorder playing "friends" - it's like online dating for the recorderly inclined, you sexy recorder playing thang you! You also gain the priviledge of consistently being called an "ars"...



No caption necessary.

Now that you've found your new and most favoritest hobby ever, go out and buy yourself a beautiful recorder and take pride in it! Bedazzle it, put all over it, and tell all your friends that you've found yourself a new best friend, and that his name is Mr. Recorder. And happy National Recorder Month to you and your new best friend!


Aaaaaalyson -yes I just sang that out loud with desperation.

http://kardsunlimited.blogspot.com/2012/03/aaaaaalyson-yes-i-just-sang-that-out.html


Today is a day that should be a national, international, galaxy wide holiday that results in a day off to properly observe it. How does one observe this holiday? What the hell am I talking about? Oh wait - you don't know what today is? Let me get you hip to it, ya dig? It's Alyson Hannigan's 38th birthday!!! We will observe said holiday by watching as many Alyson Hannigan films/tv series/tv spots/funny videos as humanly possible. Why are we celebrating the birth of Alyson Hannigan with such fervor and delight? Why WOULDN'T we be celebrating the birth of one of the most glorious gifts the human race/the earth has has ever known?!? Yes, she is one of the most beautiful creatures to ever grace the tube. Yes, she is surrounded by hilarious and wonderful people constantly. Yes, she has serious connections to Joss Whedon. Yes, she, her daughter and her husband make the cutest family known to creepy paparazzi photos. Yes, she owns her profession. Yes, she is stunningly beautiful but can also be adorable too. Yes, her eyes and smile have been charged with murdering me and countless others. I wasn't always on this eight fold path. I wasn't so enlightened. 


Once upon a time there was a stubborn, clueless, obstinate girl. This girl went to college a heterosexual. Once she arrived she found that many of her new collegiate mates were not so hetero. They had pictures on their walls of lady folk . How bold! How new! How gay!  Some pictures that were fairly universal on these new friends' doors and walls looked like this:

I won't continue with more of these pictures because this is a family blog, but needless to say I was intrigued and I was also seeing a pattern. LL Cool Alyson. Once I came to the dark side I refused to be one of "those" girls. The ones who were obsessed with Alyson Hannigan. I was not going to be a vegetarian. I was not going to cut my hair. I was not going to give up my heels and makeup and I was NOT going to like Alyson Hannigan. So stereotypical.

Yes, she may have been in other movies that I enjoyed as a youth. Yes, those movies may have been favorites because they gave me some funny feelings in my stomach. But, I always attributed this to the fact that Jason Biggs was also usually in these movies. STILL one of my other celebrity crushes. Fast forward to 2010. I'm poor, back from living abroad, living in my parents house for a few weeks with no car, no money and nothing to do. I decided I was going to watch the entire Buffy the Vampire Slayer series on netflix. Fast forward to me circa now . My hair is short. I've been a vegetarian since 2007. I finally came out. And after watching the entire Buffy series I am in love with Alyson Hannigan.  Or I guess I'm in love with Willow Rosenberg. Though, I'm sure there are many reasons to be in love with the birthday gal. Some reasons could be:
  • she is half jewish, half irish. Two of my favorite kinds of people.
  • she has a degree in psychology. nom. 
  • shes used to be vegan before she started popping out bebes
  • she is a godmother to one of joss whedon's children
  • everything she ever says or does on her twitter
  • Willow Rosenberg from Buffy   
  • American Pie and that there flute
  • My Step Mother is an Alien - oh hello Seth Green too
  • This funnyordie video 
  • She's friends with Felicia Day all my Dr. Horrible fans
  • Everything she says or does in her career gives everyone with half a brain a whopping nerdgasm
  • She's a fantastic actress
  • What? She was one of the first gay ladies on a show who wasn't Ellen? One of the first gay lead characters? One of the first lesbian lead couples on tv was Willow and Tara? Some of the best kisses? Kennedy was hot too? Ten years ago? Not Katy Perry ratings vulture gay? Just regular no big deal gay? That's pretty neato!

So I told  myself I wasn't going to make this a Buffy blog which was a very dangerous possibility since that is the character of hers that I fell madly in geek love with. And I haven't. 







Some of you Alyson Hannigan fans might be noticing there is nothing of what gives her her current fame. 
How I met Your Mother. 

Alyson Hannigan. Neil Patrick Harris. Jason Segel??
This sounds like the greatest thing to ever happen! A trio of awesomeness in one sitcom! 
The truth is I think I've only seen one episode. I didn't like the pacing. I didn't thin it was funny. I don't do well with sitcoms unless it's the Golden Girls. But I was hasty and remember I'm obstinate. So Im going to actually watch it because after Buffy I had a serious void in my life. And I bet its actually good. How could it not be?

Happy Birthday Alyson Hannigan. We think you're rad. 

  


















Employee Spirit Month! The Unbearable Lightness of Kards

http://kardsunlimited.blogspot.com/2012/03/employee-spirit-month-unbearable.html

March is Employee Spirit Month, and I am here to celebrate. No matter what I complain about, and my complaints are legion, I love my job. I go to work in the morning, barely awake and chugging coffee (with or without a shot of espresso.) I don’t want to wake up for a morning shift; I don’t want to stay until 9:30 to close. But when I’m at work I’m happy. Because there is joy in my job. I don’t help the poor, I don’t fix the large wrongs, but I pay my bills and I do it at a place that allows me happiness. We get to listen to the bizarre dreams of our boss like kids during storytime. We get to have the geekiest conversations with our customers. We get to say things like, "I drank Captain's in honor of the pirate ocotopus". "Fish head lollipops, now good for pointing". We get to discuss Hunger Games, Glee, Russian politics and little known facts while we work. We whistle. We sing. We made unintelligible sounds. 



Think of Carly, who may be the angriest 90 pound woman I have ever met. Think of her joy in collecting and digesting the vastness of Kards. She revels in grasping the entirety of our store and is particularly talented for it. And she, like I, finds joy in attaching pricing stickers to 24 temporary tattoos in just under 6 seconds.


Jill, the external voice and the internal rock of our store. She engineers the punch-drunk swagger of Kards Unlimited, and does it right.


Blair is to me the Calm Down and the Be Cool, the 5-year veteran non-plussed by daily turbulence.


Have you met Michael Plotz? He belongs here; I can’t think of a better way to describe it. He is in the employee you need. He is the presence you need. Unflappable, excited, pleased, horrifyingly over-competent.  How does he smile so sweetly all of the time?




I would like to share an image of Jessi. The 70s station is playing on the radio in early January, during the distinct hangover of the Christmas season. There we are, Jessi and I at 8p.m., standing behind the counter exhausted. Then a song comes on, I don’t remember which one nor do I care. Suddenly we start popping out our hips along with the rhythm and giggling. Because dancing is always better than standing still.




Mary is our moxy, and our crazy. She is the living end of Kards Unlimited, because screw you if you don’t understand how much fun there is to be had, be it a lively discussion of the merits of atheism or a comprehensive outline of why, when, and where there will be butts punched.




I will say nothing of Chris; there is nothing to add to his bizarrely positive energy and comprehensive knowledge of lyrics from 1965 to 1983, which he employs in a zen-like cheerfulness. He was born in 1990.


And Sarah, our newest coworker. The youngest, the smiliest, true, but as batshit as the rest of us in her own beautiful, subtle way. There aren't any real pictures of Sarah. We'll get there. 





Employee spirit. Try to doubt me.

And On the First Day, God Invented Physics

http://kardsunlimited.blogspot.com/2012/03/and-on-first-day-god-invented-physics.html


As entertaining and wonderfully formatted as that Atheist screed was, I’m afraid it was incorrect on one point, namely that it denied the existence of God.

Let’s be clear: I am not saying a religious system is better than an atheist or humanist lifestyle. I am not promoting any system is better than any other. But I am saying, nay, proving! that a Divine Consciousness exists, or existed, in some verifiable manner.

How can I prove the existence of God? Am I smarter than Kant or Nietzche? Am I privy to a heretofore unknown secret of secrets? Am I Indiana Jones? Am I the Messiah Himself? No, I’m merely a card shop employee with a penchant for quantum physics.



That’s right, I’m proving the existence of God through science.



One of the most entertaining parts of quantum physics, for this guy here anyway, is wave-partical duality, a pleasantly chunky term to describe the fact that particles (such as protons, electrons, photons, etc.) display characteristics of both particles and waves. How do we know this? Lordy, there’s an experiment that shows it! It’s called the double-slit experiment. Picture, if you will, a flashlight shining at a sheet of material that can tell where a particle of light hits when it reaches the material. In between these two things we have a wall with two parallel slits cut through it. We can learn quite a bit by how the light behaves after passing though the slits. For instance, in the set up I just described, light behaves as a wave: the wave passes through both slits and interferes with itself, creating a pattern of bands where more or less of the light hits the sensitive material.

But suppose we want to know which slit any given particle of light goes though (because it has to go through one, right?) We put a camera or some such observation apparatus in front of the wall, so we can watch which slit the light goes though. What happens hurts my brain. We are able to see which slit a single particle travels through, but by doing this change the pattern of light on the sensitive material beyond the wall. Instead of a banded pattern caused by interference, we see only two strips of light. Why? Because through observation we collapsed the wave function (which governs the probability of a given particle being anywhere at any given time) changing the nature of the light from wave to particle.

Take A Double Dose of Atheism and Call Me In The Morning.

http://kardsunlimited.blogspot.com/2012/03/take-double-dose-of-atheism-and-call-me.html

First things first, I'll eat yo brains. 
So you've started to doubt the existence of the great Allah? Not so sure you want to succumb to the wrath of the Almighty? Want to take a turn on the intellectual ferris wheel? Come on over to the dark side, we have more fun anyway. 
Atheism can be classified in many different ways. You've got people who are 'anti-theist' which means they do not believe in or support the (OVERWHELMINGLY CORRUPT) system of religion. Or there's good ole fashioned non-believers who say THERE AIN'T NO GOD AND HE IS NOT GREAT but the best and most intelligent Atheists are HUMANISTS, those of us (this lil-lady included) who are too smart to fall for the religious mumbo-jumbo and so consider themselves non-believers. At the same time they feel all people should abide by a basic set of unquestionable laws like a general respect for all living things and the defense of human freedoms for all...incidentally these are things most religious institutions have at some point or another forcefully denied from their laity.


I'm having trouble concentrating. 
So you may be asking, what's the appeal of Atheism? You don't believe in anything? There's no afterlife? What have we got to look forward to? OPEN YOUR DAMN EYES you may need to crack a cold one for this...You have tomorrow to look forward to fool. Its time to quote Christopher Hitchens, perhaps one of the most intelligent, eloquent men of the decade who was also a staunch Atheist, and sex god. 
"Death is certain, replacing both the siren-song of Paradise and the dread of Hell. Life on this earth, with all its mystery and beauty and pain, is then to be lived far more intensely: we stumble and get up, we are sad, confident, insecure, feel loneliness and joy and love. There is nothing more; but I want nothing more."
History has given us a fair share of intellectual, talented and artistic Atheists. My favorite of which are listed below. But with whom shall we start? Who is perhaps the most talented, handsome, intelligent, eloquent, master of modern literature? KURT VONNEGUT m'fers who else? 
I will love you forever I think. 
"Being a Humanist means trying to behave decently without expectation of rewards or punishment after you are dead." He has this amazing talent of explaining extremely complex ideas with simple, straight forward statements. 
SWEET JESUS. 
Questions must be rolling around in your head like mad! Have you begun to question your entire religious upbringing? Don't worry! That's the great thing about Atheists, most of us are not trying to take your personal beliefs away from you! Believe what you want, in who you want, worship where you please. This Atheist has an undeniable respect for religion (ISLAM IS MY SHIT) and I obviously can appreciate some incredibly beautiful Jewish boys...  
You is a QT.
Anyway, so we want to talk about more intelligent Atheists who have helped change the world for the better? Well this next Atheist may or may not have by creating Communism...that's a debate for another blog. This great, great political philosopher once stated, "Religion is the opiate of the masses." BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM. Well said beardo. 
So what does Atheism have to offer you? Well, we LOVE us some HOMOSEXUALITY cause ain't it more fun to experiment anyway? Doesn't everyone deserve the right to love and marry whomever they choose? We HATE war, death and destruction AND most importantly we can drink, smoke, and sex whomever we choose WITHOUT JUDGEMENT
He's happy because he's gay, we know it, and we still love him.
Well kiddos, what else can I say? I hope you see the light, I hope you come to the dark side, drink some beers, kiss some boys (or a lot of boys...oops!) and then realize life is short, unfair and a lot more fun without all that religious mumbo-jizzumbo
"I tell you, we are here on 
Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different." -Kurt Vonnegut


Won't You Wear a Sweater?

http://kardsunlimited.blogspot.com/2012/03/wont-you-wear-sweater.html


Throw on your favorite sweater (or cardigan) and pick up a hand puppet or two! Or three! Or enough to make up the entire population of a world of make believe! Not only would today have been the 84th birthday of the late and great Mister Fred Rogers' but because of his signature sweater collection, today has also been declared Sweater Day!

In honor of Fred Rogers' 80th birthday, David Newell - better known as the speedy deliverer, Mr. McFeely from Mister Roger's Neighborhood, who is now also the Director of Public Relations for the Fred Rogers Company - asked people "from Pittsburgh to Paris" to throw on their favorite sweater in honor of a man who succeeded in reaching the hearts and imaginations of children across the nation for over thirty years. And we're still doing it four years later!


Fred Rogers was not only the host of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood and an honorable children's educator but also a minister, songwriter and author. He was exceedingly successful in his careers but... he was also red-green colorblind! In an interview in the Post-Gazette with Josie Carey, Rogers' television partner from the show The Children's Corner, it was stated that, "he was so colorblind he could not distinguish the difference between tomato soup and pea soup." Rogers enjoyed both kinds of soup but needed the assistance of others in determining which was which before he ate it himself so he could add sugar to his tomato soup. How's that for a fun fact?!


Fred Rogers had a passion for the education of little ones and had a knack for neither talking down to nor talking past children. His sincerity made it easy for children to truly pay attention to what he was teaching them. Lessons learned from the "neighborhood" are not easily forgotten. Treating everyone as your neighbor and showing everyone love and respect was Rogers main theme throughout the series. It's a lesson that people of all ages can benefit from learning. (Sometimes a repeat lesson may be necessary for those who have trouble grasping the concept of being neighborly.)

After the death of Mr. Rogers the Monroeville Mall in Monroeville, PA built a children's playplace in honor of  Rogers. A variety of characters and scenes from the Neighborhood of Make-Believe which appears on the show have been incorporated in the playground. Children can go inside King Friday, Queen Sara Saturday and Prince Tuesday's castle! Along with that kids can visit X the Owl in his tree! The playground makes it possible for children who never had the chance to tune in daily the the world of make-believe that Rogers created to explore the neighborhood and gives parents an opportunity to share the lessons that Mr. Rogers implemented in his shows.

There's no mistaking that Fred Rogers left a legacy in this world that people will remember for years to come. He made an impact on children for over 30 years that has helped children of all ages to learn to love and respect all of their "neighbors." Although it may be seventy-something degrees outside today, I'm reppin' a sweater in honor of Mr. Fred Rogers and his achievements, and you should be too!



“When I say it's you I like, I'm talking about that part of you that knows that life is far more than anything you can ever see or hear or touch. That deep part of you that allows you to stand for those things without which humankind cannot survive. Love that conquers hate, peace that rises triumphant over war, and justice that proves more powerful than greed.” 
― Fred Rogers  

Awkward Moment Day observed!

http://kardsunlimited.blogspot.com/2012/03/awkward-moment-day-observed.html

Not all of man kind can be suave and poised all the time - have you seen the republican presidential debates? So for those moments when Mr. Cool flees the scene and Mr. I Just Spilled My Rice Pudding All Over Barbara Walters takes his place, Awkward Moment Day is there to lean on!

So, why is March 18th Awkward Moment Day? Why not August 27th? Or May 2nd? Well, it's simple. Saturday was St. Patrick's day, which means most of you lads and lasses probably spent your night consuming Irish whiskey and green beer along with green foods that were never meant to be green in the first place. It probably seemed festive and fun at first, but on March 18th  your head was in the toilet, those green foods were probably coming back up looking pretty, well, awkwarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd. Today is perfect to celebrate that period of time this weekend  when you ran around town convinced that you really did lose your pot of gold and wondering why no one else saw that rainbow. Basically, 97.34% of the people you see today are going to be extremely hungover which calls for even more awkward situations to come your way.

While we're at it, let me point out the fact that the word "awkward" is probably one of the most awkward words to spell. Just stare at it for 76 seconds and try to tell me it's not...awkward.
a-w-k-w-a-r-d


Now, normally when awkward situations take place - whether the victim is at fault or just an innocent bystander of another person's awkwardness - the situation is immediately covered up with some quick eye contact, shocked and confused faces and maybe a few apologies but on this glorious day there is no need to flee the scene in silence, embrace those wondrously awkward moments that normally occur oh so abruptly. 

Today, when you're walking on the sidewalk and you see someone walking towards you don't set your gaze past them and walk on! Today, you best stop and stare as they walk by you! Bring some awkward to the scene! Today, you need to wear that fanny pack you've been hiding away! Wear two fanny packs! Side by side! And make sure people feel awkward about the fact that your fiercest fashion statement of the day is a purse on your crotch! 


And now here are some awkward moments and pictures to
 bring out the awkward in you on this exceptionally awkward day!

A Collaboration of Awkward Moments

"That awkward moment when you run over your own banana in Mario Kart."
"That awkward moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow."
"That awkward moment when video kills the radio star and you have to testify in court."
"That awkward moment when you flex your muscles and your shirt rips."
"That awkward moment when you tell Katy Perry that you didn’t like the kiss as much as she did."
"That awkward moment when you enter the Pokémon Center and ask Nurse Joy to ‘heal your balls’."
"That awkward moment when Iron Man finds out he's anemic."
"That awkward moment when you turn 11 and don't get a letter from Hogwarts."

Random Awkward Photos
Because today, awkward = beautiful.

And they're probably been dating for seven years.

awkward family pet photos 
Please, please, look at the way this woman is holding her cat.

This was probably grandpa's idea.

 
Mullets: Awkward in the front, awkward in the back.


sofapizza:awkward night at the neighborhood pet mixer. An awkward picture reblogged
It's happened to everyone.


Now go out there and be the best and awkwardest you can be!


St. Pats: what you need for culturally acceptable day drinking day!

http://kardsunlimited.blogspot.com/2012/03/st-pats-what-you-need-for-culturally.html

Sit down folks and let this lady leprechaun tell ye a story of the world and of magical days and then maybe if you're lucky - marshmallows.

March 17 marks the only day where everyone- no matter what their age, color, creed, or anything else that makes people different, come together.  For one day, one universal set of beliefs unite everyone in merriment and celebration . That day, my little friends, is St. Patrick's Day when everyone is Irish, especially if you aren't! The day we celebrate St. Patrick...and uh...Irish things. Parades. Dying things green. And eating and drinking to excess. And did I mention everything green? And drinking? I said drinking already?

we love drinking to excess!
 St. Patrick's Day has become synonymous with dying rivers green, kiss me I'm Irish, green beer, drunk texting, Shamrock Shakes, and day drinking in a way that is typically reserved for the unemployed, people who are Irish year round and alcoholics (redundant)- but today is deemed completely acceptable for everyone! Festive even!


We at KU understand how important this (unofficial) holiday is to all of you and want you to be prepared per usual! Here is a list of everything you're going to need to survive!

1. Cool T SHIRT

Lucky for you we have a bazillion to pick from. You're going to want to stand out. In addition to these lovelies we also have some great Guiness Tshirts! 

cute boy not included. cute shirt a must. 

classic st patrick's day! CLASSIC!

a BRAND NEW FAVORITE

STEP TWO:  ways to drink, ways to be irish



fun fact: when you come in drunk and ask me if it feels weird when it starts working and ask me to explain the science behind this Im going to laugh at you

what is St. Patrick's day without st.patrick's day hampsters?? just a day.  just a regular day.

IRISH BREAKFAST TEA? why yes we would love a spot!

green bow tie. check. wig? yes. bowler hat? of course. magic shamrock wand for knighting people and  holding in vomit? mos def. 

no st.patrick's outfit is complete without these glasses.

green facial hair? drinking pins? banners? body  stick on glitter things??? YOU NEED THESE. 

you want more of a tame St. Pats? okay cool- you'll need cards for everyone!

You plan on celebrating Irish heritage not being drunk by 10 am?
Read one of these delightful books!


So kids. Just a peek at all the goodies we have for you to celebrate your fake or real Irish heritage this week. 
May the drinking force be with you. 


HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!!

Drink responsibly.